Diary of a Nobody

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Many years ago (1992?) the Bridge World had an article written by an average player on a bridge cruise entitled "Diary of a Nobody." God-awful bids and plays on the cruise, as witnessed and committed by the author. Silly decisions based on how bad the opponents are. You get the idea.

Fast-forward a dozen years... The Internet is here and you can play with all the random people you want.

IMPS Pick-up Partner

No Vul AT54

Q6

75

AQJ32

You

KJ632

85

A94

T98

You
Pass
1
LHO
Pass
2
Pick-Up Partner
1
4(?)
RHO
1
All Pass

LHO leads the heart ace and continues with a heart to righty's king. RHO now returns a low diamond. What do you do?

This contract is pretty bad. LHO is marked with the heart ace, a top diamond honor (the queen at the least, since RHO doesn't have the KQ), and the club king (otherwise you're going down). That's 9 HCP right there, and likely four hearts as well (RHO might have preempted 2.) So which hand has lefty underbid with? x Axxx Qxxx Kxxx or does he have Qx Axxx Qxxx Kxx?

I hope you're not a nobody like me. I finessed for hand #1 and lost to the doubleton queen. My partner promptly left the table likely thinking, "What an obvious 4 bid. How could he not even know Eight Ever, Nine Never?" One of these days I'll learn.